It finally hit me. After a great weekend of sunshine and friendship, the longing to be back in North Carolina caught up with me. If I’m being honest, I’ve been waiting for it to happen.
From the funky shop in downtown Pittsboro.
The feeling came disguised as a snowball of everything else. The paint fumes and plastic seem to be everywhere. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. The excitement of having a home is wearing thin compared to the work that seems to keep piling up. I’m still trying to find where I fit in at the new job, and I miss my former co-workers (they were hard working, hysterical, told terribly inappropriate jokes, and always had a stash of cookies and candy on hand). Bradley is away on work so I’m left with two dogs that don’t understand renovations and constantly guilt me. Cherie was here for the weekend and it reminded me of all the wonderful people I left behind. Friends are starting new jobs, getting new homes, and expanding their families. It’s hard not to feel like I’m watching my life unfold 3 hours away from me.
Goofing off with Ana and enjoying post-yoga gelato with Cherie.
I know this feeling is temporary. But that doesn’t negate that it’s present and extremely real to me in this moment. I haven’t seen the first hippy since I’ve been here. There isn’t a brewery within 30-45 minutes of the house. The local beer store has a stash barely large enough to fill a closet. The small town life is calm and lacks the activity of a university town. No one talks about protesting the capital in Smithfield – the only protestors are standing outside of a Verizon store a few towns over. I’ve seen quite a few Trump stickers, and that makes my liberal heart ache. I haven’t found a place where we can take the girls for an outside drink (although the backyard should probably count). I miss my people. I miss my town. I miss Carolina.
Just a few of my favorite things.
I’m sure these feelings will pass, especially as the house becomes more of a sanctuary and less of an endless hole of work and manual labor. A decent night’s sleep would likely do wonders for my attitude. Finding an OTC that actually helps with my sinuses would mean I could breathe through my nose for the first time in weeks. And having another human being in the house probably won’t hurt either. Tonight, however, I can’t shake the funk I’m in. Practical Britney knows that life is crazy for me right now, and I’m choosing to blame the distance from Chapel Hill for my whirlpool of feelings. Social worker Britney wants to focus on the things that I do have control over while developing goals and action plans to help me battle the blues. But, overall, I’m homesick. For the first time in years, I’m trying to make a new home for myself even though I can’t find anything wrong with the last home I was in.
Cheers to Friday, to work trips that are over, and to sleeping in late. My heart sure could use the distraction of the weekend right about now.
An empty Bolin Creek trail.