I am a planner. I have mentioned that several times already, but it bears repeating. It makes the part of my personality that is organized, the part that thrives on being in control, so incredibly happy. This week’s chapter struck right at the heart of my need to plan.
I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life when I won’t crave the order that a calendar and pen can provide. Those filled in boxes make me more aware of how full my life is – we have friends, family, puppies, and life adventures to keep us busy. I may lament our crazy pace at times but, truthfully, I’m not sure I know how to live another way. I feel a sense of purpose when I have something to do or something to look forward to.
This is our plan, but I wonder how I would react if life were to show us another path?
The downside to my obsession with the planner is that I struggle to “go with the flow.” Especially once I set my heart on something. If you tell me we are going to meet up for a girls’ evening of movies and drinks, I am devastated when you cancel at the last minute. You see, I had already planned it all out. I wrote it down. I put cute little stickers of martini glasses around the box. My heart was already looking forward to spending time with you. When those plans get cancelled, I don’t know what to do. I didn’t write anything else down and nothing can be as great as what I imagined in my mind. What typically happens is I sulk and pout like a child. In addition to loving a plan, I have a stubborn heart. I don’t always see the potential in a different plan because it isn’t MY PLAN AND MY PLANS ARE THE BEST PLANS AND DON’T EVER CHANGE THE PLAN! Childish, but totally what happens.
In true Lara Casey fashion, she talks about how the farmer must plant his seeds and then have faith that all of the invisible things that must happen will happen. She (because farmers can absolutely be women!) can plan out how much she will plant, where she will plant, when she will plant, and what she will plant. But once the seeds are planted, she must have faith. Perhaps those seeds will yield exactly what she had hoped for. Maybe they won’t. Some of the factors that influence the results are out of her control. There is the difference. Planning is all about being in control and avoiding faith. Planting is about understanding when to act and when to step back with a heart of faith.
As I work toward an intentional life and developing my photography, I find myself sometimes feeling overwhelmed at the realization of how important faith will be in this process. All of those things that I don’t understand and can’t beautifully plan require faith. There will be days when all of my planning will be undone. My pen strokes will be wasted, and I’ll feel the pouty lips beginning to set in. Faith has no time or patience for pouting. So I can pout, or I can have faith. (I’m pretty sure my husband would appreciate less pouting.) The lady in me strives to be someone that embraces a life balanced in planning and faith. The realist in me expects a few days of pouting, nonetheless.
Are you a planner or a planter? How do you embrace opportunities for faith when things are out of your control?